Codependency Toolkit
 

How to get out of codependency and stay out of it while relating

 

 

Immediate game shifters

- Catch yourself when you put him on a pedestal

- Catch yourself when you buy into the believe he would be the only one and you could not be without him anymore

- Learn the meditation technique of “naming”. (I see that stone, I see this bird…)

- Move your body, change location

- Touch your fingertips to get grounded and back to a small here and now

- Ask yourself: Do I want to be treated like this? In all your relatings.

- Put your feet on a cold floor (remove your socks!)


 

Sustainable game shifters

 

- Learn to say what you want and ask for what you want.

- Before that, ask yourself: What do I want? Keep asking yourself: And what do I want now? and now? (moment- to moment navigation)

- Admit your needy parts to your partner and tell him, for example: A part of me has a story I need a hug from you right now, wants your full attention for 5 minutes, wants to hear you love me….
- Learn a new skill, like whittling, macramé…

- Handle your finances

- Balance a stick to find and keep your center

- Honor yours and his reactivity and don’t react on the reactivity
- Observe when you put yourself in a “waiting room”: Are you secretly or silently waiting for something from him ?

- Notice when you withhold something which needs to be said

- Delete in your mind the wonderful moment after it has gone, especially the wonderful ones!

- Practice an inner attitude as if you meet your partner or a person close to you for the first time each day: who are you today?
- Create yourself a team (same gender) you can lean on as your support system. Arrange with them that you could call someone and write in the group.
-Acknowledge the small successes and steps and share that! (for example with me: alicebelz@gmx.de)

- Surround yourself with people who are in balanced relatings


An abandonment wound (real or perceived abandonment) or any traumatic event might cause codependency and manifests in an anxiously attached relating style or avoidant attached relating style (the attachment style theory).