I was nice. I smiled. “Sure, no problem” was my standard answer, sometimes not even thinking and noticing how much it was a problem, though!
Over the time I learned to ignore this gut feeling, this sensation in my womb that something isn´t aligned with me.
The truth is that I carry a volcano inside of me. The volcano is as big as a megacity. If the volcano would explode it could destroy megacities.
What I love about connecting consciously to my internal volcano is, that I can access this huge amount of energy — and use it for creation.
In the last weeks I did research. I interviewed many women about their relationship to anger. Mostly the answers were: “I am not angry. I am fine.” Neutrally, they were smiling at me.
I also ask you:
How is your relationship to anger? What are you angry about?
Some women were shocked, when I shared, that I am angry. Shocked, with that look of: “How can you say that? Out loud? As a women?”
Some negotiated with me: “I might be a little irritated every now and then, but I am never angry.” One even told me: “Yes, I am angry, I am very angry, but I learned ever since childhood that one should not be angry”.
A bit dis-pleased works, anger doesn´t.
On my path of re-claiming back my anger, I noticed that some women, including me, have the strategy to hide their anger behind sadness. I felt safer to express that I am sad, for example if you are late, than actually saying that it makes me angry.
Explosion and implosion
“But anger is destructive”
I hear you. And I see it. I see it everywhere. In power struggles among couples, in shutting a door loudly, angry looks from stressed mothers to their children, disapproving comments among friends if they have different opinions on a topic, heated discussions, blowing horns in traffic jams, wars in the world and any kind of aggressive behaviour.
For me, I observe a lot of anger against myself. I direct the anger towards myself, I put myself under pressure, I have a judgemental voice in my head and a lot of tension in my body. My inward directed anger might then explode in an outward form of expressing rage. Doors shutting loudly is one example of a valve I misused.
Accessing the juiciness of my anger by lowering the numbness bar
My first Rage Club was a Game Changer. It changed my life profoundly.
In my initial Rage Club, we received the invitation, to drop our fake, polite smiles during the session.
For the first time I learned -and allowed myself- to drop my smile, the smile I did not even notice before that I wore — as a mask. It was as liberating as escaping from a prison, my own prison.
This applies until today. If I only smile when it’s genuine, I relax, something opens up, I connect on a deeper lever. My clarity can land in the space and I create the results I want.
Moreover, this also serves as a true energy saver. Only until I dropped the mask of politeness I noticed how much of my batterie was used on a constant level for the fake smile.
In Rage Clubs I learned not only to allow the according, appropriate and natural facial expression when I´m angry, but also to allow myself to express anger. We practice in a safe environment to make sounds, to use our voice, to say YES, to say NO — to access our juiciness. By going through layers of my unconscious rage, I connect to my conscious anger, which contains valuable information. It is a precious compass to navigate through life and it serves me as source of creation -with juiciness and high-level-fun.
The Juice
Who would you be if you would play full out?
My — and Your RAGE is a superpower. It carries the seeds of aliveness, it lights you up, it sets you on fire for what you care about.
My anger helps me to prioritize my day, my schedule, my vision.
I use the conscious part of my anger to go into- THE GAP. To pause for a moment.
To feel all my 5bodies and to shift identity. To extract the information it contains, like squeezing a lemon. My anger tells me: this does not work, what else would work then?
At that point answers and possibilities can shower down on me. I am on fire about my next steps, about new ideas, new approaches.
I want to provide a safe space for women to connect with their anger and feel the Aliveness of it. I care about having conversations with women about their anger. I am really interested in what women care about. I take a stand for delivering Rage Clubs to women.
And I want to hear from you:
About what are you on fire? What do you care about?
One experiment I recommend is:
Practice to express your “Wants” by saying out loud what you WANT, each day for 5Minutes.
It goes like this:
“I want a hug. I want to access the juiciness of my anger…….I want ……”
Will you try the experiment and let me know how it is going for you?
Get in touch:
alicebelz@gmx.de
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